I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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