matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
