SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
