I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
