if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
