she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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