And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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