oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
