You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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