Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
