I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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