Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
