Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just cropdusted the office
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
