you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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