singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
