After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
