How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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