you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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