The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
