i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
