Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
