I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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