just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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