i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
