Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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