Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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