I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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