on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
