K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
