i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
