dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
