I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
