Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
