Will you blow on my dice?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
