This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
