Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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