1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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