you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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