but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
