there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
