and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
