i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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