Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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