Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
