So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
