I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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