Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
