I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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