My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
