fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
