If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
