Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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