i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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