I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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