party gras won. party gras always wins.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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