wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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