What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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