I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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