I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
