I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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