i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
