oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
